The topic of grief dominated my Facebook account last month. I knew many people are not comfortable with it. It could be because they want to move on, forget, or may have regrets or could be a reminder of their mortality that one day, they too will lose their spouse or uninterested. It is this reason why this page is born. I do not want to suffer and grieve in silence and isolation anymore. It crushes and pounds the heart. I want to be heard, not to be told, and I know that the pen has a voice, and the paper listens.
People are quick to tell the griever to stay positive, be happy, there is hope at the end of the line, or on the other hand, “you lack faith,” “Stop the crying and move on,” “there is nothing else you can do.”, while their intentions are good and authentic, these words will not help. Grievers are forced to embrace “toxic” positivity, suppress their emotions, hold back their tears, show their “strength,” but deep within, they are actually feeling another death from this. The most comforting words at this point would be “no words” or simply praying for you. “No words” doesn’t mean you avoid them, They want to feel your presence and be heard, and at the same time, they want to be silent. This is what makes grief complicated. Do not push them to hide, fix or silence their pains. Do not be threatened by their unpredictable emotions; they cry, yell, laugh, and sink into sadness; understand that they are very vulnerable, choose to stand with them in the place they did not choose. These are way deeper than words.
Please do not question their faith as God is patiently dealing with them in this journey. Do not rush them to heal. Allow them to grieve at their own pace; it is not a race that, the more mature, the higher the faith, the faster is the healing or recovery. The healing process is not a crash course where the learning curve is predictable, measurable, and time-bound. I believe that the length and depth of grief depend on the quality of the marriage you had. I had the best! My husband and I disagreed and fought for many things, but these disagreements made our relationship better and stronger at the end of the day because we learned to let go of our pride and personal preferences.
